Richard's Online Journal
[20/11/08] Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties
Sorry for the lack of posts of late. Too busy. Too much to do. Too many games to play. Games… completely unlike Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties. Any PC Gamer reader will know this one by reputation - a truly foul piece of gaming from back in the days when little movies in computer games seemed like The Future. It was a running joke in the magazine for over a decade… in fact, I’m sure it was referenced only a couple of months back, quite possibly by me. But why mention it now? Why invoke its dark name in 2008?
Because someone’s made a fully functional YouTube version. The pain begins… now!
Don’t be fooled by the angry, somewhat bipolar FMV lady in her bra - so-called adult game or not, PDWT is as objectively erotic as an Ayn Rand striptease. The bit above is the only bit of movie in the whole game, and even in the uncensored version, all you got later on was a shot of a guy’s bottom and half a nipple. The rest is simply a photostory with truly scary narration created by… I don’t know. I really don’t. Just remember, whoever they were, whatever pit in Hades they crawled out of, they actually wanted to sell this game to actual humans. For human currency. They’d have been better off gift-wrapping their own faeces and calling it Chocolate Surprise.
Brr. Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties. Quite possibly the worst game in the history of all time. And yes, that includes ET. And Big Rigs. And Max Payne.
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You think that’s bad? I’m currently sitting here with a pile of games like Space Pirates, Critical Path, and Voyeur 2 for a feature…
Dear god. I remembered Space Pirates being a game of cheap fricking deaths back in arcades, but… damn....
Posted by Richard on Thursday 20th November
But surely you’re forgetting Hopkins FBI?
Posted by Johnny W on Friday 21st November
Nobody forgets Hopkins FBI…
Posted by Richard on Friday 21st November
You just discarded Max Payne, like a bandage soiled with a million drops of New York blood, in an off-hand comment so off-hand that it would occupy the off-hand slot in an rpg. The Emodarkness comes…
Posted by Jaz McDougall on Friday 21st November
Stunning Ambivalence! I’ve never seen someone so nonplussed! Of course, that’s me being purely objective; I wasn’t really influenced either way.
Posted by Jaz McDougall on Friday 21st November
What about STUPID INVADERS? I thought that it was epic in levels of failure.
Majora’s Mask was by far the superior gaming experience on N64 to Ocarina of Time.
Posted by MarioColbert on Friday 21st November
Stupid Invaders was phenomenally bad, but still, better than PDWT.
Posted by Richard on Friday 21st November
Ok, so… what about Simon the Sorcerer 3D?
Posted by Johnny W on Saturday 22nd November
If you think Simon 3D was worse than the Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties, you clearly never played either.
Although it was horrible. Really, really horrible.
Posted by Richard on Saturday 22nd November
Ah ha! Slipping Max Payne into the list again.. I’m onto you!
I miss the rampant injokery of PCGamer, Loughbourough and Kieron baiting we hardly knew ye.
Posted by Nick on Saturday 22nd November
I remember reading the review of this when it came out - I always half-suspected it was some kind of in-joke or hoax.
Posted by M on Saturday 22nd November
It was the lowest score PC Gamer UK gave for a long time. It’s been usurped since then though.
Posted by Nick on Sunday 23rd November
I always half-suspected it was some kind of in-joke or hoax.
I’m not sure you’d be entirely wrong…
Posted by Richard on Sunday 23rd November
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I’ll just pretend you didn’t say Max Payne was bad there…
And yes, you did give us the rundown off it I think maybe a year ago now (although don’t quote me on that). Fun games are fun and this game just scares me.
Posted by William Main on Thursday 20th November