Richard's Online Journal

Greetings and salutations. In case you were wondering, Richard Cobbett is a writer and journalist and producer of many other things involving words. He likes cats, hates spiders, and plays a lot of games. This is his website...

[01/05/08] %&$£ing Toilet Seats Again

From the BBC’s Blindly Obvious Department:

Some computer keyboards harbour more harmful bacteria than a toilet seat, research has suggested.

Oh, good grief, not this old yawner again. Yes. Yes, keyboards are dirtier than toilet seats, the reason being that toilet seats are not dirty. By reading this site, your buttocks are automatically not only declared officially clean, but also surprisingly fragrant. But not somewhere that germs particularly congregate. The floor? Ick central. Under the bowl? Nice knowing you. The seat? You could eat your dinner off it, and I’m reliably informed that there are clubs in Soho where you can do considerably more than that.

Any company that releases any bit of marketing comparing the cleanliness of toilets and any second entity, but especially keyboards, ever frakking again will find this out soon. I’ve already petitioned the government to enforce a new ‘three strikes and you’re out’ policy, where the strikes are conducted with a length of birch, and the ‘out’ to be outed from consisting of the entire of civilised society.

You have been warned, lazy press release writers. The revolution begins shortly.

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The irony is that if you did eat your dinner off your toilet seat, your toilet seat would be dirtier than… a toilet seat.

Posted by Iain on Friday 2nd May

And you probably wouldn’t get many willing to lick it clean afterwards.

Posted by Richard on Friday 2nd May

I’ll bet you would - and pay you for the privilege of doing just that.

Posted by Scylla on Friday 2nd May

True, but probably not for the usual reason.

Posted by Richard on Friday 2nd May