Richard's Online Journal
[09/03/07] Five Minute Adventurer
Okay now, seriously, what is it about WoW? I just tried to log in for the first time in a week to cash in a completed quest. Hurrah! A few XP to add to the stack. Soon, I would be mighty! Attractive lady Blood Elves would fall over themselves to emote ‘sexy’ in my bed chamber! Stories would be told about my great deeds in the village of Astranaar! Soon, there may even be a statue!
What’s next for our mighty hero? Adventure! Action? Intrigue?
Oh, for the love of Christ, just kill me now…
The worst part is that every time I sit down to try and play this game, it takes the piss with a catheter. Levels 1-19ish in the Draenei area were really fun, but now, it’s like being slapped in the face with a haddock every time someone hands out a quest. You can’t feel like a hero if your beard smells of fish. Ask Aquaman.
The second worst part is that I always feel somewhat guilty about it. People keep telling me stories about the great thing that is World of Warcraft, and briefly, I get excited. Rejuvenated. I log in. I start playing. I play for a level or so. I quit, sending them instant messages asking “You’re Satan, aren’t you?” It’s much the same as Second Life - the endless, slow-paced borefest full of people who try and make you feel bad for not having wacky emergent adventures because all you can find are blocky porn stores and casinos. Virtual Mile High Clubs all of them. Stories, stories, stories, and nobody pointing out that you can barely pee in an aeroplane bathroom, never mind flush out an anecdote. Such is life. Such is WoW, at Level 21 and three quarters.
If The Burning Crusade offers actual fun, like proper questing, and heroic outfits that don’t include words like ‘fungus lined’ in their description, and an end to being trapped in the same variable-ratio reinforcement hell I’ve come to think of as a holiday home, couldn’t… I don’t know… couldn’t Blizzard give people a free upgrade to Level 60? I promise - pinky swear - not to immediately run naked into Horde territory and start smacking newbies in the face with the Glowing Sword of Alka-Zeltzar.
No?
Screw it then. I’m off to play Peggle…