Richard's Online Journal
[05/07/08] A Day In The Life Of Davros
Officially the least scary villain in sci-fi. Again.
7:00: Awoke! Made myself toast, and THE KING OF THE TOAST PEOPLE!
7:01: Toast rebelled. CURSES! I knew the soldiers were a mistake. Why do I never see these things coming?
8:30: The Doctor! And his female… He destroyed my NEW TOAST EMPIRE and left me to die in my own burning kitchen! Be aware, Doctor! I will have my revenge!
8:31: Also Corn Flakes. I will not require their ABJECT DOMINATION! Merely milk.
9:42: Returned to work on PROJECT DALEK. Some say I need a Plan B, but NO! Merely because it has failed the last 6,754,321 times, I will NEVER submit! 6,754,322nd time lucky, as we say on Skaro. This time, victory will not elude my grasp… again.
10:42: Burned self on own soldering iron. DESTROYED IT FOR ITS IMPERTINENCE! One day, all electrical appliances will proclaim me their Emperor, and the Throne Room won’t turn out to be the dungeon for once. Oh yes. Revenge SHALL BE MINE!
11:30: Post arrived. Mostly bills. ‘Twas ever thus.
15:00: CURSES! No, nothing’s wrong, but I’m out of practice after all these years. Let’s see now. BAH! DAMN YOU, DOCTOR! NEXT TIME, I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE! And of course: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I miss you most of all.
15:30: Required sandwich. CLONED OWN FLESH FOR MEAT!
15:34: Bah! My bread supplies are low, and the local shops aren’t wheelchair accessible. Would that I not have to rely on them, but I cannot clone everything from my testicle sacks. Not after that milk incident. Let us never speak of it again.
17:30: Finally, my plans for a Reality Bomb are complete. Note to self: Must come up with convincing reason to deploy this, instead of retaining the resources and living space of the multiverse and thus not condemning myself and my children to an existence that makes Battlestar Galactica look like Temptation Island.
17:45: Screw it, I’m evil. MWAH-HA-HA!
18:42: Felt a bit squiffy. Dalek #34213 suggested calling my doctor. IRONY NOT APPRECIATED! Have already begun plotting his death. I’m thinking it will involve some kind of… Dalek. One does hate to change a winning formula.
21:00: Oooh, mustn’t miss Gordon Ramsay. I do so enjoy his style.
23:00: Retreated to the TARDIS sleep crucible my loyal army of psychopathic monster children assembled over the afternoon. A FINE TESTAMENT TO MY GENIUS! And yet… Strange. It’s… smaller on the inside. And there… isn’t… a handle…
23:01: Arse.
Davros: When only the dumbest will do.
Posted by Richard on Saturday 5th July
THIS: ‘CLONED OWN FLESH for meat.’
Just made me laugh aubergine curry onto my keyboard. Thanks.
Posted by Juliet on Saturday 5th July
Thanks ;-)
Posted by Richard on Saturday 5th July
Have you ever thought of applying to the BBC for a position as a staff writer for Dr.Who (and/or Torchwood)?
Posted by Nick on Sunday 6th July
Heh. Not how it works right now - the writing’s done on a freelance basis, and typically by people with some fairly specific experience (like having done a tie-in book that caught someone’s attention, or having ever written a commercial script, or not having repeatedly bashed Torchwood in public).
Of course, I’d totally love to give it a try. I think more or less any sane writer would. Hell, I’d totally be up for doing one of the tie-in books.
Posted by Richard on Sunday 6th July
God help anybody if Russell T Davis ever becomes an actual doctor or vet or something in the future. No one is ever going to believe his terminal diagnoses ever again.
“I’m sorry, but Flopsy is dead”
“Right, and by dead you mean just in this universe right?”
“No, I mean actually dead.”
“Oh, so in a metaphorical sense as he’s starting a new life?”
“Oh forget it.”
Posted by The_B on Sunday 6th July
And if you go to another doctor afterwards, it won’t help since your chart will just say “BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF BAD WOLF.”
Posted by Richard on Sunday 6th July
As usual with this series’ Davies, exactly half stuff I really liked, half total guff. And the guff half (or ‘galf’) seemed to be what was really being pushed, where the good ideas got skipped over. Hooray Rose/Doctor fanwank etc.
Also it should be noted that an invincible monster is no longer pant-wettingly scary once you can kill it with a big gun.
Posted by Tom Hardy on Sunday 6th July
Or you’ve seen it pepperpot dancing.
Oh, poor Series 1 episode Dalek. All that effort to make the monsters scary again, only for it all to go down the toilet as kids witness them handbag-at-dawning the Cybermen and spinning round like idiots at the hands of a temp from Chiswick with a brain full of technobabble.
Posted by Richard on Sunday 6th July
I thought, as far as Davies’ series finales go, it was his absolute best. Some cringeworthy stuff in there, and the Daleks really, truly aren’t scary anymore, but the emotional stuff was wonderful. In the whole of season 4, my one favourite character above all else was Donna’s grandfather. I found him to be quite a tragic figure and erasing Donna’s mind of the amazing stuff she had seen and done, and its effect on him, was really touching.
As for future Who… I totally vote Anthony Stuart Head in as the new Doctor. Between rewatching all of Buffy, and the Who Confidential narration, he’s perfect. Hell, he can just channel his inner Giles and I still think he’d fit. Yeah, so he played an evil headmaster in Season 1… so what. Head For Who!
Posted by Craig on Monday 7th July
I still can’t understand why it was Daleks again. We’ve done Daleks, and they weren’t interesting last time. And for a Christmas special? More Cybermen. Because they were such a zonking success before?
A Day in the Life of Russell T Davies:
7:30: Daleks.
8:21: Cybermen.
9:02: Rose.
12:45: Daleks.
14:04: Cybermen.
17:30: Rose.
19:00: Daleks.
20:15: Cybermen.
21:00: Rose.
22:30: (BLEEP!) Moffat.
Posted by Bobsy on Friday 18th July
Just wait ‘til you see my spec script about how Victor Hugo was secretly inspired by the Macra…
Posted by Richard on Friday 18th July
Davros; Using your planets to destroy our multiverse! For no reason whatsoever!
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Posted by William Main on Saturday 5th July