Richard's Online Journal
Transformers: Revenge Of The Zzzz
…only without the deep storyline. Want to know which robot is fighting and why? Sorry! Motion blur! Explosions! Smoke! Dust! Chaos! Impossible! Megan Fox running around without her bra on? Full-frame slow-mo that shit! Later, MORE EXPLOSIONS!
Cinematic abortion. Worst movie of the year. I have never been so bored watching stuff go boom. I don’t even see how it can be a toy advert, since most of the time it’s impossible to tell what the hell is happening behind the special effects. If Pixar’s technology is all about science in the service of the story, Bay is the exact opposite. I don’t care how technically advanced the effects are if I feel nothing — absolutely nothing — for anything that they produce. Original Transformers may have been impossible, but at least they were memorable. These masses of whirling cogs? These are not the Transformers I grew up loving. Remember those? They were cool.
(The villain gets some serious chutzpah points though. You need some guts to have even your own minions refer to you as, effectively, “The Loser”, not to mention try to persuade the universe that ‘Only a Prime can defeat me’ without any actual evidence of that. So, a railgun shot would just bounce right off, right? Sure. Nice try.)
On the plus side, the Pick and Mix was splendid. And the toilets were sparkling.
Goddamn it, I wish they’d hurry up and release Up over here…